


I Wish I Could Feel You...

by Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Car Accidents, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Ghosts, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9185137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs/pseuds/Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs
Summary: Noiz wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognize, and no one can see, hear, or feel him.  That is, until he meets Koujaku.  With Koujaku, Noiz starts to remember what happened before, and how to move on.





	

Crash.

Pain.

Silence.

Darkness.

* * *

I had no idea where I was. The unfamiliar room I found myself in was small, both sides had a dinky closet, a bed along the wall, and a desk built right into the room. Hell, my mother had closets larger than this room. It smelled like, nothing actually. Weird. From the dirty laundry on the floor I should be smelling something. But, no, nothing.

Fortunately there was a laptop here. I stepped over to the desk, guessing it would take me less than two minutes to unlock it. Somehow I was an idiot and didn’t grab it my first attempt, so again I reached down to open up the laptop. And missed again. When I glanced down, I realized it was because my hand was going through the computer.

I leapt from the laptop, knocking over the chair, when the front door opened.

“If you still have trouble with it remember, Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species. K, P, C, O, F, G, S. Kenny, please come over for gay sex.” a large blond man said as he walked into the room.

“Hello?” I sputtered out, walking towards him. However his attention was on the man behind him. As he stepped towards me, so I closed my eyes and braced for when he would hit me.

“Thanks Virus,” the second blond man said, looking right through me. Wait, he was looking right through me towards the first man. The one who had walked right through me.

“Don’t worry Trip, you’ll ace the final,” Virus replied.

“Where am I?”

“Then I am done with this semester!” Trip replied.

“What’s going on? Can you hear me?” The two men continued to talk to each other, oblivious of my presence. I moved to the door. I grasped at the handle, but my hand passed right through it.

I ran through the closed door, hoping to find someone who could hear me.

* * *

“Wilhelm! We need to leave! Schnell!” my mother yelled up at me.

“I’ll be down in a minute!” I yelled back.

“I told you to be ready five minutes ago!” At mother’s words I rolled out of bed and grabbed the first pair of pants I could lay my hands on. My hair was such a mess I threw on my hat to cover it, and trudged downstairs. My parents and my little brother were at the front door. My mother glared at me, then glanced at her watch.

“Here I am, ready to go,” I snapped back.

My father ripped my favorite jacket out of the closet and threw it at me. “Is it too much to ask for just one outing as a family?” No. But when asking stuff from me is all you do, it piles up.

I put on my jacket as my parents walked out the front door. Theo walked up next to me and said, “I’m sorry about mama and papa,” for what literally could have been the hundredth time.

I glanced over at him and replied, “You’ve done nothing wrong.” I never understood why Theo kept apologizing, kept talking to me, kept bothering with me at all. Theo gave me a soft smile, then followed my parents. I took a deep breath to prepare myself and followed behind.

* * *

The first thing that I noticed about the group was the singing. After running out of the apartment of the two other boys, I tried to talk to someone, anyone, but it was just like with the two boys. I eventually found out the name of the university from a school newspaper. Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize the name of the university. Yet something else caught my attention. The date. It was only two weeks before Christmas. My family would have our Christmas outing today. Well, at least there was a silver lining to whatever I was going through. Anyway, the past few days, I spent wandering around, not caring where my feet took me. No one here knew I existed, and I tried to pretend they didn’t exist either.

But that voice, that soft voice called out to me. A light frost on the ground kept almost everyone inside, except for those four. The voice came from a white-haired boy, but besides his song I didn’t really notice him. Sitting close to him was a thin, pale, boy with short black hair who looked at the singer fondly, but I didn’t pay him any attention either. The last two both had long, dark hair. First had blue hair, and wore a large jacket on and obviously didn’t agree with the cold; he didn’t grab my attention. The other however had black hair, and was wearing jeans and a red t-shirt, no jacket, no sweater, nothing. I admired his tenacity to withstand the weather and envied him for his ability to feel the chill. Him I noticed.

When the song ended the other three boys clapped for the white-haired one. “That was beautiful!” the dark-haired one cheered.

The singer blushed, “Thanks.” The black haired boy leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. His cheeks turned even rosier.

“You have nothing to worry about Clear,” the jacketed boy said, “You’re sure to ace the audition!”

“Thanks Aoba,” Clear replied.

“Hey, it’s not like there are any other singers half as talented as you,” the boy in the red added.

“Stop it!” Clear blurted out. “You guys are embarrassing me!”

“I promise that you’ll do wonderfully!” the dark-haired boy said.

“Thanks Sei.”

“Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.”

Clear glanced down with his cheeks still red and a wide grin on his face. However, the instant he saw his watch his smile faded. “Oh no, it’s in twenty minutes!”

“Hurry up, this is one audition you definitely won’t want to miss,” the boy in the red shirt said.

Clear pushed himself off the ground with Sei following behind him. “Thanks! I’ll see you guys later!”

Clear sped away from the other two boys, and Sei desperately tried to catch up. “Think he’ll do okay?” Aoba asked as he watched them leave.

“This is Clear we’re talking about. He may be a goofball, but his voice can charm just about anyone.” the second boy replied.

I smirked. While I had to admit his voice was what drew me initially, it was this boy that had captured my attention.

“Still, I hope his nerves won’t ruin this for him,” Aoba muttered.

The other boy started to stand up. “This is the guy who went right up to your brother and admitted his feelings after knowing Sei a week. Trust me, Clear won’t let anxiety mess him up.” Aoba stood up as well, then the other boy asked, “I’m heading over to the dojo. Do you want to come?”

“No, I’m getting lunch with Ren.”

“Alright. Say hi to Ren for me.”

“Will do. Later Koujaku!”

“See you.” Aoba and the other boy, Koujaku, waved goodbye to each other. Aoba turned around and walked away from him, and Koujaku started walking away from me.

“Why the hell not?” I whispered to myself as I followed behind him. He wandered a little bit, looking at the winter scene around him. I softly chuckled, winter was always my favorite season, yet I paid no attention to the white scenery. This man enthralled me.

After a minute or two he quickened his pace, and I followed suit. He walked through the campus grounds, his body rigid and focused on where he was going. The switch confused me, yet also made him more intriguing. I continued to follow.

Soon we had reached one end of the campus; at least I thought we had as I couldn’t see any more college buildings. Koujaku walked a down a small road towards what I assumed was the dojo he had mentioned. I had already followed him this far, so I tagged along behind him as he entered the dojo.

I guessed that Koujaku came here frequently, as he walked right in without another person in sight. I didn’t really care that he was alone here. People could have lined up wall to wall, and still no one could notice me. 

“Why are you following me?” I heard a sharp voice demand. After being lost in I thoughts, I realized that Koujaku was holding a wooden sword towards me; it definitely wouldn’t break any bones, but it would hurt like hell if he hit me. Wait, the sword was inches away from my face, and he was glaring at me.

“You… you can see me?”

* * *

How can it be the most wonderful time of the year if this is when my family spends the most time together? Christmas music in general always bothered me. If it wasn’t about a God I didn’t believe in, it was all about corporate greed and commercialism. Yet this was the station Theo wanted to listen to so I didn’t complain.

I looked out at the icy landscape. From the highway I could see the city we were passing through. Since there hadn’t been snowfall in several days, all the roads were clear except for mounds of black and brown snow clinging to lawns. Rush hour had just ended so there weren’t too many cars on the roads. Besides, with how cold had been, sane people would spend the evening inside. Unlike us, with our yearly tradition that demands we drive an hour away for dinner on dark and frozen roads.

“Theo, are you excited to be done with classes?” my mother asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.

“Absolutely!”

“Making sure to behave yourself in school?”

“Of course mother.”

“Good. Wouldn’t want to bring any shame to our family.” Of course. The family. To them everything was about the family. Not loving their children, but making sure that we presented the image of a picture perfect one.

“So, how’s your job going?” my mother asked.

“It’s fine.” I was fired from my latest job a week ago. This time it was an argument with my manager. Though as a parting gift, I had sent several scathing emails to his higher ups with his account. This last week I spent hiding in a coffee shop.

“That’s good,” she replied, then continued, “if you ever want to work for your father, we can always find you a good job.”

“Thank you,” I replied. Thankfully she stopped talking to me. I knew what taking the job really meant. Since I knew that would be the last conversation I had in the car, I started surfing the web on my phone.

I could feel the chill of the window on my cheek, but everything still felt numb.

* * *

“It’s still not working!” Koujaku spat at his computer screen.

I rolled my eyes again, “You have to put in the command exactly as I tell you.” Koujaku grumbled at me, but tried it once again. “How have you not failed this class yet?”

“Before I’ve always typed whatever seemed to fit and by some miracle it turned out just fine,” Koujaku replied to me as he pounded on the keys. “It wasn’t until you came along that everything went to hell.”

I chose not to reply to his childishness.

He continued to type and this time decided to ask me for help, then forget what I said and ask me a few seconds later. The fact that he wasn’t completely failing his computer programming class baffled me--I would have known if he was sleeping with the teacher.

“There, are you happy?” Koujaku sighed as he fell back into his chair. I leaned forward and looked at what he had.

“In another month, I feel like you’ll be ready for the final.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost.” Koujaku stood up and walked to the door, “Any last words before I go take it?”

“Don’t do anything stupid. And if all else fails, I’m sure you could seduce your teacher into a better grade At least you’ll get the D.”

“It’s times like these that I wish I could throw something at you.”

“I mean, you still could,” I shrugged, “I don’t feel a thing when stuff goes right through me.”

“Oh, why don’t you find someone else to go haunt.”

“Because you keep all your buttons out in the open.”

One of Koujaku’s jackets flew through me.

“If only you could pass your final with violence.” Koujaku slammed the door behind him as he left. I glanced down at the jacket that Koujaku had thrown. I wanted to reach down, pick up it up and have it hanging when Koujaku returned. But I couldn’t. So I decided to lie down on one of the beds--I couldn’t grab or pick things up, yet I could sit down wherever I wanted. Don’t ask me how that even worked. again the only thing I had to pass the time was my thoughts.

I couldn’t remember anything before I woke up in the room of those two blond men. I remembered that I called myself Noiz, but I’m confident that isn’t my real name. I had parents, obviously, and a younger… brother? Sister? That escapes me. It honestly wasn’t until Koujaku started screaming at his computer that I remembered I could program one.

After two weeks of constant thinking and the inability to sleep, I started to wonder if the human imagination was finite.

I had started wondering exactly what changes a virus had to make to a human body in order for it to become a zombie when Koujaku returned. “So, will you need to visit your professor later tonight?”

Koujaku shot a glare at me. “You know, I was going to thank you for your help, but now me saying thanks is me not killing you.”

“I accept your gratitude.” I swung my legs off the bed and sat up, leaving Koujaku room to sit next to me--neither one of us were rather comfortable with the idea of him sitting in my legs. 

Koujaku leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. “Heading back home for the break?”

Koujaku shook his head, “First, they’re too far away to visit. Second, with my family, staying away from them is better.”

“Good, it would be an awkward Christmas dinner to have a ghost following you around.”

“Even if I did go home, I could easily ignore you for a few weeks.” I would have punched him if I could.

“Oh!” Koujaku exclaimed, then reached into one of his jacket pockets. “I found this hanging around campus.” I glanced over to the flier that Koujaku now had in his hands which read “Spirit Medium: Communicate with the deceased and help them move on.”

“Seriously? Dude, seriously?”

“It’s probably nothing more than a hoax, but I don’t know, something about the flier just called out to me.”

For a moment, I just about agreed with Koujaku. But something about that flier grabbed my attention as well. “Fine, we can give it a shot.”

“Oh, really? Are you sure?”

“No harm done if we go.”

Koujaku still looked perplexed as he pulled out his phone and called the number on the flier. After a few moments he said, sounding a touch startled, “Oh, hello. Is this Mink?”

* * *

I had started to look at the prices on the menu. Not because there was a limit on what my father could pay for--tonight was special for my family, so he would pull out all the stops. Then again, even if it tonight wasn’t an occasion, no price would have stopped my father. No, tonight I had started to memorize the prices simply because I know that neither my parents nor myself would make any real effort to talk to one another.

“Have you all decided on your orders?” I heard a waiter say. My parents ordered something difficult to pronounce, and ordered for Theo. “And for you sir?” he asked me.

Well, at least I could chose something tonight. “I think I’ll have the pasta all’arrabbiata.” I had decided that within the first minute of looking at the menu; it looked like the closest thing they had to spaghetti. The waiter wrote down my order, took our menus, and then left.

“So, Wilhelm. Have you thought about my offer?” my father asked.

“No, I haven’t,” I replied.

“You know that the company is always hiring, and I’m sure I could get you into whatever job you wanted.”

“I’ll have to think about,” I snapped back. The job offer. I had no interest in ever taking over my father’s business, and they knew that. Then again, my father also had no desire to give the business to me. Since the family business was global, I knew my father would find a job as far away from them as possible.

“Just don’t think about it for too long,” he replied. I nodded back to him, and wouldn’t think about the offer until he asked me again in a few weeks. My parents started talking to each other, something about father’s work, or mother’s book club, stuff that I usually tune out. Theo tried talking to me, but stopped after only getting “Yes,” “No,” and affirmative grunts as my answers. So, just as I wanted, I ate my food in silence.

* * *

If I hadn’t already made the choice to come here, the exterior of this place would have driven me away. The alley already was poorly lit and the deep shade of violet seemed to suck out the remaining light. The door had a painting of an eye in the middle of a palm and writing all around it in some language I didn’t recognize.

“Sure you’re okay trying this out?” Koujaku chuckled out with a weak voice. We were already here, so I figured we should at least try it out.

“Don’t worry, even if he turns out to be a serial killer, we can still hang out.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost,” Koujaku grumbled as he opened the door. If I thought that they exterior was excessive, nothing could match what we saw inside. Thick carpet ranging from hot pink to black-like violet covered the floor. Dim bulbs hung from the ceiling giving off about as much light as the incense. Oh, and I’m pretty sure there were at least twelve different incense sticks burning at once. The walls seemed to drink up as much light as possible, leaving it unclear what the tapestries hanging on them truly looked like. I jumped when I heard the bird screech. I turned and there it was, in a cage hanging above four of the cinnamon incense sticks. It had a large crest of feathers on it’s head, and somehow, even in the dim light, I could make out that it was a light pink.

“What kind of bird is that?” Koujaku asked me.

I shrugged, “Does it matter? It’s just a bird.”

Koujaku glanced all over, “So, is there a bell we ring or…” The large curtain in the back of the room started to move. Koujaku took a step back as the man behind it came into view. He was taller than both of us and had a long leather jacket that fit a biker better than a fortune teller. The glare he had on his face made me so glad he couldn’t see me. At least, I hoped he couldn’t.

“Hey, uh, you’re Mink, right?” Koujaku stammered out. The man walked over to one side of the room and sat down on some cushions there. Koujaku stepped towards the man and then sat down. “So, uh, I like the incense here.”

If I wasn’t already a ghost I’m positive I would have died of shame from that comment about the…

Wait…

I could smell the incense. I haven’t been able to smell anything these past weeks.

I focused all of my attention on this man.

“Who needs help?” the man purred to Koujaku.

“What? Oh, right, uh…” I don’t think I had ever seen Koujaku this flustered before. “It’s my friend, he’s, well, he’s dead, and is hanging around as a ghost.”

The man, at this point I’m just going to assume that this is Mink, eyed Koujaku. “And what makes you sure he’s still here?”

“Well, I guess… look, I just know that he needs help right now.”

Mink stared at Koujaku for a long time. To me, the incense seemed to gain weight and crush me. “C’mon, just say something,” I pleaded to the man.

Almost immediately after: he spoke, “All spirits linger because they have something left undone. If you want to help Wilhelm, figure out what he needs to do.” Mink then stood up and walked towards the back of the shop.

I gawked at the man as Koujaku called out, “Wait, but, that’s it?” Mink simply walked back behind the curtain.

Shaking myself of my confusion I replied, “Well, let’s go.”

When we had exited the shop Koujaku muttered, “He didn’t even ask for payment…”

“He didn’t tell us anything. If he asked for payment, you should’ve just refused.”

“But really, unfinished business? What movie did he pull that one from.”

“Seriously, he could have at least…” Wait. Wilhelm.

“Noiz, what’s wrong.”

“He said Wilhelm. Koujaku, that’s my name.”

* * *

“Wilhelm,” I hadn’t realized my mother had called my name until the third time. I rolled my head from the car window and looked at her.

“Yes?” I asked, a little surprised that she would still want to talk to me tonight.

“Wilhelm, I saw you getting coffee yesterday.”

“And?”

“Since I thought that you were at work, it surprised me,” she shot back, “Why were you fired?”

“Who’s to say I was fired?”

“Since this isn’t the first job you lost, it isn’t surprising.”

“At least I’m out of the house. That is what you mostly care about, right?”

“If you need space and a job, your father…”

“Yes, because we’ll need an entire continent's worth of space.”

Mother turned back and looked out the front of the car. “Well, I think that you finally getting out of our house might do us all some good.”

I rolled my eyes, sarcastically wondering what who would benefit more from that space, and looked out the car window--right into the headlights of a speeding truck.

* * *

Koujaku had gone to work that evening, and I didn’t feel like following him today, even though he was going to be home late. I guess I had gotten use to not wanting to think about or do anything at all. Maybe this is my eternal punishment, being unable to touch anything, interact with anyone. Well, at least Koujaku could see me.

Because he could see me, I guess there was no way this could be a punishment.

When the door opened, I pushed myself up and looked up at him. “Hey Noiz.”

I didn’t reply as Koujaku sat down next to me; I guess I didn’t really know what to say to him anymore. It had been like that since we went to Mink’s two days ago.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Koujaku stated after a few moments of silence.

“Why? This isn’t your fault.”

“I know, it’s just,” Koujaku bit down on his lip before he continued, “to continue existing like you are, I’m sorry that it’s happening to you.”

I let out a weak laugh, “It’s not all that bad. At least you can see me.”

Koujaku blushed a little. I then opened my mouth to say something, when I noticed that our hands were in the same spot. Koujaku must’ve noticed it the same time I did, as his face turned an even deeper shade of red. My mind went completely blank as Koujaku said, “I just… I wish we had met differently. I wish I could feel you.”

I had never wanted to hold someone as much as I wanted to hold Koujaku then.

“Koujaku…”

He moved his hand away from me, “I’m sorry. I’m just making it harder for you to move on.”

“Koujaku… I’m happy that I met you. If this was the only way we could be together, I wouldn’t give it up.”

“Th-thanks,” he stammered out.

I reached out my arm to Koujaku--no longer caring that I couldn’t feel him. I held out my arm so my hand appeared to be on his cheek, even though I could see the tips of my fingers going into his face. I swear in that moment I could feel him, but I just brushed that off as my own desperate desire to feel Koujaku’s skin.

“I don’t care if I stay like this forever, it was worth it to meet you.”

“Noiz…” Koujaku brought his own hand up, though since he was unable to see mine, his went halfway through it. I probably let out a huge grin at that moment, because Koujaku demanded, “What?”

I pulled my hand back and covered my mouth in a vain attempt to stop from laughing.

“My hand was right in yours, wasn’t it?” I nodded and started laughing. Koujaku groaned at me as I was doubling over. “Well, since that moment’s over, I’m going to bed.”

I had started to compose myself as Koujaku stood up. He started to change to his pajamas, and this time he didn’t ask me to turn away as he was changing. When he had finished, I stood up and moved to the chair as he climbed into his bed.

“Goodnight Wilhelm.”

I wanted to throw the table lamp at him, but all I could do was glare at him.

Koujaku had left a lamp on for me, so I watched him slowly drift into sleep. I was amazed that of all the people who could see me, it happened to be him. The shock and joy that I felt  
having met this man ran through my head as my eyelids grew heavy. I realized that from this boy, from the boy I might not have met unless I became a ghost, I felt loved. I leaned against the back of the chair, and closed my eyes.

Wait, something isn’t quite…

* * *

The first thing I heard was the beeping.

As my eyes drifted opened, I couldn’t see anything, just white, I guess I was in a pure white room. I glanced over to my left, and I saw monitors and other hospital equipment. Looks like I knew where the sound was coming from. Even though I next saw the hospital bed I was laying in, I had already gathered that.

The last thing I noticed was the woman at the foot of my bed. She was sitting in a chair, but had fallen asleep and with her chest and head lying next to my feet.

I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “Ma...ma?” I croaked out. I tried to move, but my body was too weak. “Mama,” I cried out again.

She stirred at my second call. She brought her head up a few inches and looked over at me with half-open eyes. “Wilhelm?” she mumbled out. The instant her eyes fully opened and met mine she snapped her body up. “Wil-oh mein Gott, Wilhelm!” She sprang from her chair and wrapped her arms around me. “Wir dachten, du wärst weg!” my mother cried out between sobs.  
“Mama, alles ist gut, I’m okay.” I willed my arms to hug her back. My arms didn’t obey my brain, but somehow they crept up until they had wrapped around her. “I’m here now.”

* * *

The next day and a half passed by rather quickly. I saw Papa and Theo shortly after I woke up, and for some reason they were just as teary-eyed as Mama. Mama and Papa kept apologizing to me for everything, Papa for saying he should have driven more carefully, Mama for all the harsh words. Part of me wanted to hate them, but most of me said I should forgive them. So I did.

The doctors couldn’t figure out why I had woken up, and were doing some last tests. Because of how long I had been like this, it would take some time for me to leave the hospital, but I was doing better than most recovered coma patients.

Mama, Papa, and Theo had gone home to… do something. They had told me what they needed to do, or grab… but the shock of waking up was still a bit too much I had forgotten. Not wanting to spend any more time thinking, I gazed out the window onto the snowy street.

When the door opened I had expected a nurse to come in, letting me know when I could get started with physical rehab. But when I turned my head to the door, I saw a familiar boy there instead.

“Koujaku,” I stammered. He stood in the doorway for another moment, then rushed over and hugged me.

“I was so scared that you were gone! Don’t you ever do anything like that ever again! Do you hear me?” he cried into my shoulder. I wanted to hug him back, but my arms were still too weak.

“I promise, I won’t scare you like that again.”

“Good!” Koujaku tightened his hug for a moment, then pulled away to look at me. “Wow, you look… good for waking up from a coma.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost,” I groaned back, “How did you find me?”

Koujaku sighed, “You have no idea how annoying it can be calling hospitals when you don’t know the patient’s last name. Thankfully Wilhelm is pretty unique here.”

“I… thank you, so much. I’m surprised that you could even come here.”

“It took a four hour bus ride, but I knew that I had to come.” Koujaku looked into my eyes for a while, both of us completely unsure of what to say. That’s when I realized something. I struggled to bring my hand up, my arms shook as I raised it. Fortunately, Koujaku saw me move my arm. He grabbed my hand and lifted my hand up to his cheek. He then held my hand against his cheek so my muscles wouldn’t have to work so much. I don’t think I had ever been happier or felt as loved feeling Koujaku’s cheek and hand.

“Hey Noiz, Merry Christmas.”

His words shocked me for a moment, but I realized it was Christmas. After I woke up as a ghost, I had lost most of my sense of time. Yet I was positive that enough had passed for it to be Christmas.

“Merry Christmas, Koujaku.” Koujaku leaned forward, and I felt the brush of his lips against mine.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic I wrote for the DMMD 2016 Christmas Secret Santa.


End file.
